Play by play

FT: Spain 0 – 2 Chile || TIKI TAKA IS DEAD. No, not necessarily. But Spain and Australia are the first two teams to be eliminated from the World Cup. REPEAT: THE DEFENDING WORLD CHAMPIONS ARE OUT OF THE WORLD CUP, HAVING CONCEDED 7 GOALS AND SCORED 1. Spain was never in this game. Chile never really looked in danger. Casillas, I can’t quite figure out. He had an absolutely terrible tournament and was at fault for several goals. Somewhere, Real Madrid goalkeeper Diego Lopez is laughing hysterically. But enough about Spain. Chile got the job done, taking the game to Spain on the counter, finishing the chances they created, and then effectively shutting up shop at the back when they needed to. So it’s Chile being rewarded with a trip to the Round of 16, and adios to Spain. It was good while it lasted, guys. Also, did this Brazil fan actually write on an iPad? They need to get over this Diego Costa thing. *sigh* Let it go. 

One more minute until tiki taka’s funeral. Now we’re just waiting to pull the plug.

This is the end of an era. But it isn’t Xavi’s fault, because he didn’t play. Nevertheless, the Spanish players do deserve some rest. As we close out the era, Sergio Ramos has a shot in the box deflected out for a corner. Somehow, there are 6 minutes of injury time. It’s kind of like a testimonial game now.

I briefly pointed out what Cazorla might have been able to add to Spain’s game today. As an Arsenal fan, I’m slightly biased, perhaps. But apparently he has added some additional skills to his arsenal since joining the Spain camp. This is the type of skill and balance that typically has to be bred over generations.

Sometimes all you can do is eat popcorn, pick your nose, stroke your mustache, or give the thumbs-up to no one in particular. While they do this, Air Eduardo Vargas is replaced by Jorge Valdívia.

Spain substitute Santi “Santigold” Cazorla comes on for Spain and tests Bravo from about 25 yards out. “Spain could have used a little wizard like Cazorla, a player who isn’t afraid to pull the trigger from outside,” I say when it doesn’t matter. There isn’t much time left for the Spaniards. 

We continue the Spain In Memoriam.

Our sources tell us that Pique, Ramos, Cesc, and Casillas perform as a quartet in subway stations. They will need new day jobs after this. This is a start.

USA watches #ESPvCHI. Issues: 1) Those pants. 2) The U.S. government spends so much on defense but can’t afford decent pants and a few chairs? This is unacceptable. Call your congressperson.

REWIND: Isla nearly makes it 3-0. Champions rarely get to exit with grace. I’m not too happy about this. Can Guti get some action? I miss Guti.

Eduardo Vargas starts a Chile attack, pinging the ball from the right flank to the left. The return pass meets Mauricio Isla at Casillas’s far post, and Isla can’t keep his shot down, as it flies over the goal. Chile are going to catch Spain on the counter soon. They have nothing left as Chile dispossess them in midfield at will and counter.

This is Spain’s Luke Skywalker. That’s how bad things have gotten for Spain. Also, the Torres for Costa substitution is a major setback for horse placenta science. 

Diego Costa is exiting the game for Fernando Torres. If this couldn’t get any more depressing … actually, this just got more depressing. Torres used to be a lethal striker. In fact, not too long ago—while at Altetico Madrid and Liverpool—he was one of the best in the world. But ever since his move from Liverpool to Chelsea, he has been a shell of his former self. That’s what makes me sad. I once thought that Torres would have a career like this guy. But no. It wasn’t meant to be.

Del Bosque’s twin brother is also worried.

Eduardo Mena picks up a needless yellow for chopping down Pedro from behind. 

And if you think Busquets is the only one suffering, he made Vicente Del Bosque do this. THAT’S BAD. Also, the assistant behind Del Bosque needs to stop copying the boss. He’ll never advance until he learns to stop copying people. This is basically emotional plagiarism.

REWIND: Poor Busquets. I’m about to start lighting candles.  

Is it too soon to start doing an In Memorium for Spain? A Spain free kick is saved by Bravo’s meat hands again. The rebound falls to Costa, whose acrobatic bicycle kick sends the ball back across the goal. The ball lands at the feet of Sergio Busquets … in front of an empty goal. A tap is all that’s needed. The last thing I’ll add is that the score is still 2-0.

#memory @ikercasillasoficial @ikercasillas1 @socceroosayaa #halamadrid

A photo posted by José María Gutiérrez Hernández (@guty14haz) on

REWIND: Diego Costa is keeping a positive attitude. Which is great because his Spanish international career is about 45 minutes from over.

Iniesta cuts centrally toward the top of the box and threads a through ball into the feet of Diego Costa. Costa can’t get the ball off of his feet as the defenders close. His shot is deflected and goes out for a corner. The corner is cleared by Bravo’s meaty fist. Where are the reinforcements?!?! Apparently, Fernando Torres is warming up. This is going from bad to worse for Spain.

We’re off the the second half! Forty-five more minutes until we can take everything back from Spain. Xabi Alonso has been removed; he’s replaced by Atletico Madrid’s Koke. 

So what’s gone so wrong for Spain? I wish I was better than this, but this tweet probably has legs.

The Chileans are attacking on all fronts today. Brilliant tactics by Sampaoli. The Chilean fans are storming everything in a 5-mile radius.

One often overlooked celebration metric is the sunglass displacement rate. Here, the Chilean fan registers a .83, almost completely knocking his sunglasses from his neck. Impressive. You can’t underestimate the joy one feels when you’re about to trample your former “boss” in front of trillions of people.

See? It’s all starting to unravel for Spain.

Chilean fans celebrate the second goal against their colonial oppressors. People, rightfully, have long memories.


A video posted by Fatma Darwish Fakhro (@fatmafakhro) on

HT: Spain 0 – 2 Chile || First Spain lost an empire, and now this. People will hang Casillas and Xavi and Sergio Ramos in a museum somewhere. Stories will be told about Sergio’s calf tattoos. There will probably be an Indiana Jones sequel with Zac Efron or someone, where Zac searches for the remains of this Spain team. Conceding seven times in your first 1.5 games at the World Cup is no way to progress to the next round. That’s true whether you’re Spain or Australia. Pour out some Rioja for these boys; Chile has put a fork in them. Here’s the second Chile goal. Enjoy, or curl up in a fetal position and weep. Your choice.

Real or fake emotion? You be the judge. I don’t trust it, though. Too quick of a transition from emotionless to excitement. That’s a red flag. He also has a red flag on his back. So there’s that, too.

REWIND: Xabi Alonso wants your ankle. Now.

Free kick from Alexis Sanchez outside the Spain box. The shot tests Casillas, who punches the ball away. That’s the good news for Spain. The bad news: he punched it right to Charles Aránguiz, who calmly collected the ball and bashed it past Casillas. Dios mio. Chile are up 2-0 and Shakira’s husband must be devastated. There’s nothing he can do from the bench.

Xabi Alonso collects a yellow for a highly irresponsible tackle, diving recklessly into Mauricio Isla’s standing leg. Isla survives. The free kick is headed out by Sergio Ramos. OMG, tiki-taka is dying, guys.

There’s a brief lull now. So, I want to share a video of Spain’s Cesar Azpilicueta teaching his Chelsea teammates how to pronounce his name. It really isn’t very difficult. I’m not impressed that it got to this, Chelsea teammates.

REWIND: Consider me fooled. Iniesta never fouled Mauricio Isla. Mauricio Isla fouled Mauricio Isla. I can admit when I’m wrong. I was wrong. Shame on me.

Mark Geiger had a great spot to watch Pedro take out Gonzalo Jara over by the benches. It wasn’t difficult to see the foul. There was no one around and it happened right in the middle of an gigantic stadium. Geiger doesn’t show a card, much to the chagrin of the Chilean fans.

Xabi Alonso’s sends a free kick into the wall from outside of the Chilean box. In the ensuing scramble for possession, Iniesta clumsily contributes a foul, allowing the Chileans time to breathe. You may not believe the position that the Spaniards are in right now, but you also probably didn’t believe in unicorns. 

REWIND: You can’t help but watch this and wonder how Jorge Sampaoli expresses his love to those who matter to him. I’m thinking his expression of love might be a little too intense.

Eduardo Vargas picks up a silly yellow. And then, up at the other end, Diego Costa ends up with a chance that ends up finding the side netting … on the outside of the goal. Someone needs to tell him that outside doesn’t count.

REWIND: Air Vargas celebrates by making an “A” for “Air,” I guess.

This is all kind of making sense now. “Chi-Chi-Chi! Le-Le-Le!” The Chileans are ready for intergalactic war. 

Well, well, well. Vidal, over on the right flank, plays a through ball into the right channel where Charles Aránguiz made a smart run. Aránguiz settles the ball and then plays the ball across Casillas’s goal box where Eduardo Vargas, inspired by his Jordan tattoo, taps it past a scrambling Casillas. And it’s all gone wrong for the defending World Cup champs.

REWIND: Del Bosque is getting more animated. That, or he’s imagining that he’s playing the cymbals in an orchestra, in which case he needs help. 

Spain have now had a series of chances. The first a free kick from right outside the box that came to nothing. And then a scramble in Chile’s box resulted in Xabi Alonso—who is NOT wearing a sharp black suit—smashing a ball into Chilean goalkeeper Claudio Bravo from point-blank range. The Spaniards are here to fight, it seems. Also noteworthy: Chile’s Eduardo Vargas has an Air Jordan tattoo on his neck.

It has all calmed down. Spain are starting to see more of the possession, as they do. This is how Spain-Netherlands started, too. And then Spain scored. And then the massacre started. Spain do seem to be pressing more effectively when they lose possession. Diego Costa, seemingly still healthy due to his magical horse placenta treatment, is also apparently on the field. I have not seen him yet, though.

Good to see Spain’s fans in good spirits. Speaking of spirits, they appear to be drinking, which is probably helping them stay in good spirits.

España, España #fifa #worldcupbrazil2014 #wordcup2014 #brasil #copa2014 #maracana

A video posted by Giselle Rangel 👑 (@giihrangel) on

This really is kind of sad to watch. This feels a bit like someone’s trying to force Spain out of a job for being out of date. Spain’s like, “I BUILT THIS COMPANY!” And Chile doesn’t care. Chile would like to move forward. It’s a cold world out there. Then again, we’re not even 10 minutes in. I suppose we should be patient.

REWIND: On the one hand, Chilean coach Jorge Sampaoli. Composed. Stoic. On the other, Chilean fans. Crazy. CHI-CHI-CHI…LE-LE-LE!!!

Almost. Chile almost score in the first minute, when Vidal barges his way into the box, and then, after some ping pong, Spain almost score an own goal. OWN GOAL is having a great tournament. In the second minute, Gonzalo Jara gets on the end of a Chilean corner and heads the ball just wide of Casillas’s goal. Wow. 

WE HAVE BEGUN. Will Spain survive? Or will the Chileans end them? Stay tuned.

Fans have really bought into the trend of singing all 49 measures of their national anthems. Today at the Maracanã, we have more of the same. Chilean fans are doing whatever it is they want. Loudly. Prior to the game, a group of Chilean fans without tickets stormed the media room. Maybe that’s why the the Chilean fans were so loud—there are several thousand extra Chileans in the stadium.

And guess what? Your referee is the familiar American Mark Geiger. You may remember Geiger from such soccer games as Colombia-Greece five days ago. As reported then, Geiger is still a full-time Major League Soccer referee. He still used to be a full-time math teacher in New Jersey, and still hasn’t told FIFA his hobbies or fondest memory. Because he’s his own man, of course. Here he is doing Tai Chi.

And to lineups for today:

Now, for Chile’s anthem, we’re going to dip our foot into some Chilean roots reggae. I love these cats. Enter Gondwana. The song: “Felicidad.” Dig into these guys. They’re great.

Now for the anthems. We’ll keep it old school. For Spain, I’m going for Estopa’s “Como Camarón.” It’s a classic.

Here’s the 1-minute previews for Spain. And no, this isn’t a trick. It isn’t a video that quickly turns into somber funeral music. Or is it?

And here’s Chile:

Chile will be relying on a more energetic performance in the middle from the exceptional-when-healthy Juventus midfielder Arturo Vidal and Barcelona’s Alexis Sánchez. These men will be key to the Chilean efforts to destroy the Spanish.

None of this is to suggest that Spain were flawless against the Dutch. Their defending was dismal and their work rate, once they lost the ball, reminded me of a kid sulking when called in from playing. So, cue several Del Bosque changes, notably Shakira’s husband and Xavi on the bench, with Javi Martinez and Pedro replacing them. If Spain continue to play like they did in Salvador, don’t be surprised if Jorge Sampaoli’s Chile—who employ a similar high-pressing, counter-attacking approach to the Netherlands—basically end Spain’s hopes of advancing today. Someone console Shakira.

It seems like we’re always trying to kill our champions—the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Romans, Mel Gibson, Lehman Brothers, Barcelona, and now Spain. We’re a bunch of savages, really. We smell blood and then circle like sharks. But let’s not forget that Spain entered the last World Cup as champions of Europe. They lost their first game in South Africa 1-0 to Switzerland. Yes, that’s right. Switzerland. And then they went on to win the World Cup and subsequently Euro 2012. The moral of this story: don’t be so quick to write off Spain after a setback; they didn’t become England or the New York Mets overnight.

By now we’re all aware of what happened to Spain at the Battle of Salvador. The Spaniards were masterfully picked apart by Louis van Gaal’s ravenous Dutch team and left for the vultures after the final whistle blew last Friday at Arena Fonte Nova. For Spain supporters, it was all so very sad as the world celebrated the death of tiki-taka by jumping up and down on the graves of the defending World Cup and European champions of the universe.